Just a few thoughts

nothing to serious today i think, i just got done watching Avatar and am frankly speechless.  First time i have seen it, and i was hypercritical before i did.  Mainly because i had heard numerous times that is was dances with wolves in space.  Anyway, I loved it!

I have been dipping my toes into the female world as of late.  I went to a local TG pre-event and was so comfortable around people like me.  Some of them made me feel so welcome, it was wonderful (Thanks Rebecca, Kimberly, Jilly, Marla, errr crap-I can’t remember everyone’s name I wanted to mention.  Well, ok, the “kitchen crew”… you know who you are-and I told you i was terrible with names).  Anyway, they have tons of events every month (which i didn’t completely realize til recently perusing their calender).  So, I am thinking of going to a social, and a party in the next few weeks.  NERVOUS as hell (as usual), but I certainly am willing to give it a try.  maybe i should start small…

The funny thing is, I wear mostly (if not wholly) woman’s clothes every day (I tend to look a little tomboyish though), and make up everyday.  Also, been ma’ammed on several occasion while presenting completely “boy”.  I hear I make an OK looking woman thus far, and going out as such will give me more confidence.  This, I know to be true, but it’s taking that huge first step.  Oh, and I might want to tell the people I live with what’s going on. LMAO

I still think about coming out to my folks (Or maybe just my mom).. it IS something i feel i am going to have to do eventually.  Maybe when I am closer to going full time.  And if i don’t lose more weight soon, the going FT thing just keeps falling back later and later.  Which sucks.  It’s funny-I used to dwell on my life and changes going on, like all the time.  Now, I just take things as they come.  What I mean is, I used to really over think everything, every step I made, etc… now I kind of just “go with it”.  Kind of like when i went ot the pre-event thingy.  I was so nervous, and wondering how i should dress and be made up, etc… but when it came down to it, I just threw on some jean and the pink t-shit i happen to be wearing at the moment, and go.  I never wear alot of make up, when i first started- the makeup i used felt like a mask, but now the stuff I use is really light and i barely know it’s there.  The next step is figuring out eyeliner, and mascara (I HATE having anything near my eyes).

Well, I guess I should get some lunch and maybe play some WoW (LOL)  Thanks for reading

M

Listening to-Nothing-just going on the adrenalin I got from watching Avatar!

oops also, i did add a pictures page… tab at the top or link on the side…. eventually I will have some progress pics there as well.

Being “lazy”

So, I haven’t posted anything serious in a bit, and i WILL get back to that.  I just threw together the following drawing in a couple of hours, and I wanted to share it.  It goes hand in hand with the previous posts-This is one “team” within the unit of Project:G.A.T.A-This is Team War (named for their leader an alien from the planet Azorn “War” (He actually should have blue skin and orange/red hair).

From left to right: War (team leader- super strong, super resilient-brawler), Argo (Teleporter), Harrier (bottom center-Speedster on the ground AND in the air), Angelfire (top center-He actually doesn’t know it, but his ability to fly and create “fire” actually comes form the fact that he is a Serephim ‘level’ angel.  He lost his memory when he “fell” to earth), and finally (on the right) Seahawke (Yes the idea behind him stemmed from when i was a football fan.  He is a super strong, flyer, with regenerative abilities).  Team War, of all the Project: G.A.T.S. teams is the most mobile with three fliers and a teleporter.

That’s it for today, but I will definitely be posting something more serious tomorrow.

M

~Side note: I did too much line work on this, and it looks sloppy close up.  I did the line work, THEN bought the gray scale markers.. I apologize for that. M

Melaniesexual

OK let me explain THAT title.

On our way to take my wife to work this morning she asked me a question.  Being (relatively) new to all this still, and uneducated about the legalities of my transition, she asked me-If I was going to change my birth certificate- because if I do not only will that make our marriage void, but she said It will be strange to people if say we are buying a house (I wish).  My birth certificate won’t match my ID.  And that may cause problems.  I guess I didn’t think about that, it’s something I will have to look into.

Anyway, back to the title of today’s post-“Melaniesexual”.  I was talking to her this morning about Thursday night _I went to a prep “party” for a local TG “fashion exchange”, and someone asked me (or it was discussed) about spouses being labeled lesbian after their mate becomes a woman.  My wife said to me this morning “I’m not Homosexual, Bisexual, or even heterosexual…. I’m Melanie-sexual.  I only want you…Melanie.”  LMAO  She is so VERY sweet, I love her like crazy!

So, as i said last Thursday, Friday was my birthday-It was nice.  My wife, my two sisters in law, my nephew and myself went to dinner at Chili’s.  I wished I could have gone as Melanie, but I am not out to them ….. YET!  I am getting close to telling them though.  It’s really hard to keep it in anymore.  I’m definitely NOT ready to go full time, BUT I am getting really close to coming out to my family so i can be more myself around them.

Anyway, I think that’s it for today.  I have a few thing I need to tackle early, so to whomever reads this, have a wonderful day!

Listening to- Styx-Greatest Hits

Black-Just some artwork

Just a Pic i wanted to share 😛

Art?

So I haven’t gotten too much into this on here yet, but i consider myself an artist.  I am a HUGE comic book nut (not as much as I used to be), but I STILL love em.  I started reading comics at age 8 or so-I think the first book I ever bought was GI Joe.  It was fun and all, but the book that got me sold on comics, and my own art was Uncanny X-Men.  I don’t recall the number off the top of my head, but it was during “Inferno”. (like any of you know what I am talking about. lol  Anyway, Comics are a huge part of my life, and I have tried on multiple occasions to do my own, but settling on a story, then drawing it inking it, and lettering it myself..well that’s a ton of work.  On the plus side (and no i don’t mean my waste) I have a couple of solid stories, I really like, and lately have been working on final costume designs.  So hopefully I will be able to get pics of some of my characters up here.

I have hundreds of characters, and some I have a close connection to.  One group of people are called “The Centurians” a group of rag tag heroes thrown together and frankly held together by their mentor/team mate a 3000 year old immortal.  I will get to him, and them later.  The group I am going to focus on first is Project: G.A.T.S. (Genetant Anti-terrorism Squad)- Just a side; Genetant is a being either born with or later develops special powers without any kind of technology enhancements (aka Mutants in the marvel universe).

If you’re familiar with Marvel Comics at all (and if you are only a fan of their movies well this concept will seem familiar over the next few years.  They have a group of heroes called the Avengers.  You could say Project; G.A.T.S. is similar, but is actually a quite large group.  There are four 6-person teams, and there main charge is to be a peace keeping force when all other means fail, or are impossible.  I will get into the teams, who’s who, and what’s what later for now, i will toss up a pic or two of some of my characters.

This is Black Fire (name subject to change)  He is actually like the last character i created for Project: G.A.T.S.  His real name is Trinidy Chance (the name, i know sounds wierd, but it’s actually the first names of two brothers I know-FUN parents eh?)  Keep in mind this is NOT a finalized piece of art from me, as I do almost everything in black and white and gray scale and there is no gray in this yet.  But I like the way it came out so far.

Anyway, i think that’s enough for today..art? or no? 🙂

Listening to-Disturbed-Indestructible

They say it’s your birthday, well it’s my birthday too!

OK, not quite. lol  But tomorrow it is my birthday, and i will be, well let’s just say in my late 30s, and that’s enough.  The thought of getting old used to scare the hell out of me, and i never wanted to be old.  But with age and experience and i suppose a different view on life, than when i was say in my 20s.  BUT, the journey has been, i think, vastly different for me compared to most other people.  Being TG means a lot of different things, and different ways to approach life’s little..well you know.  😛  Sadly, as i aged, i assumed I would never transition, and that I would never be able to be who and what i really am.  So, i let my self go ALOT!  When i was in high school, i was skin and bones-6’2″ 175 pounds or so at graduation.  I was really skinny, and very athletic-played soccer, basketball, etc.  Then I went away to college in Savannah Georgia (art school)-was only there for a year, but ate like a horse (as i always did), which didn’t effect me too much as i had to walk to class alot.  When i came back home, i continued to eat tha same, and instead of walking i drove everywhere and the eating and lack of exercise caught up to me before i knew it and i gained a TON of weight, and by ton i mean like 100 pounds in 2 years!

Fast forward a bit, Now, i am WAY overweight, already 10 months on HRT and it’s very difficult to lose weight now. 😦  The living situation i am in, has made it difficult to lose the weight, BUT my wife and i have been trying again recently.  I have really fallen off of my walking, but I have been pretty sick over the last week or so (lungs-asthma issues) as i mentioned before.  I t certainly feels like i am nearly over this, but of course, now my wife is sick!  Hopefully she will get over it fast and we can get back on track.

Anyway, yes tomorrow is my birthday, I don’t really get excited about it anymore… I just look at it that hey, it’s a free dinner out! LMAO  gonna go to chilis this year, and the wife and i will go out by ourselves when she’s feeling better, probably to Olive Garden or something.  Anyway, I think i will sign off for now, and go play some Champions Online (YES, another mmo)-superheroes; right up my alley for sure.  Playing it has inspired me to draw again,  maybe someday i will figure out how to post pics here, and put some up.

Listening to-Shinedown- Leave a Whisper

Feeling Girly

OK, I’m back, sorry about the lag of posts, with being sick and all, i wasn’t very inspired to sit down and think about this stuff.  Although being sick allowed me to dwell on some things and get my thoughts as straight as they’re gonna be.  Lately, even though I have been miserably sick, i have felt more girly!  What I mean, is not feminine, per say, but when i look in the mirror i finally am starting to see a woman!  Not the man, not Matthew, but truly Melanie!  While this makes me quite happy, it makes me nervous, and stressed out.  Why you ask?  Well, i’ll tell you.

You see, getting closer to that line, means coming out (finally) to people i live with, and going through the ID changes, etc.  While that is exciting, obviously it’s nerve wracking.  I guess the biggest part of the journey, besides the surgeries, etc, is going full time, and changing all that info.  HUGE stop really.  I think after that, there’s no going back.  Not that i have doubts, but, well, as i said, it’s a HUGE step, that should not be taken if I (or anyone in my situation ) have any doubts.  \

It makes me smile now to look in the mirror… Even with the rain, such-making my hair frizz out like crazy!  It’s just a good feeling for my soul that I actually see Melanie (no make up and all).  I suppose a good thing is, i don’t wear alot of makeup to begin with (the wife wanted to make sure i didn’t look like a clown) 😛

What an exciting time!  Well, time to hit my inhaler, and play some Champions online 🙂

Listening to-Iron Maiden Brave New World

ps-If anyone who reads this has any ideas for some music for me I’d love to hear from them.  I’m always on the look out for something new.  Obviously i have posted things i have been listening to, but some of what i have on my Itunes- Flyleaf, Irom Maiden, Judas Priest, SHinedown, RATM, Queensryche, Styx, Lady Gaga, Kansas, Bulletboys, Days of the New, BxF… So thoughts?  They don’t have to fit into any of those genres, but no country please.