What makes a woman?

OK, I’m not going to get into any sort of philosophical discussion about who she is on the inside, and what she needs to “feel’..etc etc I suppose when I look in the mirror every day, do i ‘look’ like a woman? do I feel i see a woman? well? ANSWER ME!!! 😛 sorry… I have a LONG way to go for a variety of reasons, but first and foremost, what needs to happen to me to make the public at large believe I am a woman? (Even a ugly woman).

I got ma’amed today at Target, but when i turned to face the young man he said “oh sorry sir, I apologize” of course i was sad that he made the correction, but he was (or seemed to be) slightly mentally handicapped. Not that that make any sort of difference, he still “corrected” himself. A big thing for me to truly feel like I look like a woman is ONE-lose weight fatty! I desperately need to drop a total of about 100 pounds-no I’m not too shy to admit that- that will put me at or slightly below 200 pounds. Being 6’2″ tall I look like a tank walking through Target (or where ever). TWO- Breasts- I feel like I am too small to truly look womanly with my size and frame. Being barely a A cup stinks as far as that goes. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want two balloons sitting on my chest, but something more proportionate would be nice. THREE- putting forth more effort. This is a big one. I know I have lacked off about working at appearing female. Granted i do wear some level of makeup virtually every day, and almost exclusively somewhat effeminate clothing. After seeing pictures of myself from a TG gathering from a few weeks ago, I wanted to die! I am so huge! ALL the others LOOKED feminine, me? not so much! Just a dude in a pink shirt. 😦

I am starting to honestly make a solid effort to see how much weight I can lose. Starting this week… walks every day, I had my hair straightened, had a mani/pedi..felt good… but I look in the mirror and I just don’t see what I am looking for. I haven’t really been all that down on myself lately, but for some reason today… I am.

Listening To- Nothing


1 Comment

  1. Mel……

    Hang in there, Baby….we ALL have a lot of work to do…you’re gonna do great…it just takes time…
    I feel the same way sometimes…and it’s disheartening…
    We’ll make it, Mel…..


    Dee Jay

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