I am a horrible person

Ok, I know it’s a drastic title, but let me explain.

You see, yesterday was pride day, and I, in my infinite wisdom brain farted, and forgot. Being exactly one year into my HRT, and being virtually full time (I will get to that in a minute), I guess in the back of my mind, I feel I should start being more active in the community here. I had seen a few weeks ago that pride was coming on the local social TG/CD event calender, but i guess it just skipped my mind for some dumb reason no doubt. I really wanted to be a part of it, march, watch, be at the booth…whatever, just be present. To the ladies at the local social group-I am so sorry. Sorry about a lot of things, but this one is huge in my mind. You see, I suck at keeping up appearances. What I mean is, I have rsvped for several events, and no-showed, I’ve actually only been to one event (and it was a pre-event-event). My wife tells me, just be me, and do the best I can at becoming Melanie, and maybe in the back of my mind or subconsciously I don’t want to be a part of things, or that it is not important enough to make the effort. Frankly I have no clue, but i feel awful about not at least going to pride. 😦

Am I a bag T-Girl? It’s weird, I feel bad for the Gems (The local social group) because i rsvp and no-show, so that’s one lest person to eat/whatever, but most of all, i feel bad that I am not representing myself within the community very well. I feel when I am 100% full time/name changed/etc, I won’t be accepted in the community because i haven’t made the effort from the start. Maybe I am being silly, but it kept me awake last night.

I was sitting here last night playing my new Death Knight on a new server in WoW, and my wife was watching the news, and they began a teaser about Pride being that day. I spun my head around and said dammit! I can’t believe i forgot!! So, we went to our room to watch Shutter Island (still not 100% how i feel about that one), which helped take my mine off it, then we turned off the tv and went to bed. She was out fast, but i tossed and turned for, what seemed like hours, thinking about why I missed Pride. Was I a ditz? Did I skip it on purpose? I don’t know, I never did figure it out. All I did figure out was how mad i was at myself for it.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent, air that out, and maybe figure out why i missed it. Maybe it isn’t a big deal to some people, but in my mind, i SHOULD be making more of an effort.

Melanie

Listening to-Nothing

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. Hi,
    There’s always next year. I bet there are plenty of lesbians who don’t show every year. Remember, it’s your life and doesn’t have to be making a statement all the time. It wasn’t like you turned your back. Go next year, or sign up for something that supports the LGBT community if you feel like it. It’s all good. Love your new banner!

  2. I love your new banner too!
    Lisa’s right, it doesn’t always have to be about making a statement, just live for you. If you worry about letting people down, give them the heads up in advance. Tell them sure, you’ll sign up, or go, but chances are high you might not make it. Life comes and life goes, live it your way, don’t obligate yourself to anybody else.

  3. The Gems will never abandon you. Not to worry. Now, get some sleep!

    Calie xx

    • hope not… if you are a gem see ya at the luau 😀


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s