It is NOT a choice

OK, Since this has been pride week last week, There have been a ton of things on tv involving it, and I saw something where a church was exorcising “gayness” out of people. I saw a documentary on i think it was Uganda, and how they are trying to pass a bill to make being homosexuality punishable by death! The ironic thing about that, is Uganda (as far as i could tell) didn’t have an opinion one way or the other until American and British evangelicals went there and preached the wrongs of it. I still hear people here and there talk about how gays “choose” to live that life style and with some therapy, they can become ‘normal’ again. Now, I know we have all heard of people being married and having kids, then 20 years down the road coming out as gay. Then the religious far right will say, well he WAS straight, this must be some sort of choice, or whatever, let’s turn em back! To me, either that person was BI, and did what they thought was the “normal” thing to do by marrying, and having kids first. Then being true to themselves, and opening their minds up to who they really are. That person did not choose to be gay suddenly, society basically tells us that being gay is wrong, and a difficult path to walk, so people lie to themselves and “be straight”.

I look at Trans people (myself included) and we have a really difficult path to walk. (sorry about the whole path thing-working on my webcomic, and talk of the correct path and destiny has that on my mind-by the way some really cool stuff coming down the pipeline, i promise!) Being trans is definitely NOT something we could choose or not choose, i mean who would want to go through the stigma, and ridicule we go through …ON PURPOSE. Being stared at, and analyzed for every step we take, and every work we speak. Shit, if i wanted to look like a woman, I’d be a CD… it’s not looking like a woman, it’s being what we were meant to be born as. I was born in the wrong body, and transitioning is something I HAVE to do, to even my body with my mind. Now, I lied to myself for 30 years about being trans. I had always been attracted to women, and acted like a virile young man (i’m sure you can guess what i mean-lost my virginity at 14). Deep in my mind something was wrong, and when i figured it out, it completely consumed me until i was able to pursue it (thanks to my wonderfully supportive wife-Love you baby!)

I don’t know how many trans people actually read my blog, but I’m sure the things i am saying sound painfully familiar (or not-hell i don’t know if what i am going through is normal). Not saying being gay is easy, but you CAN hide it when absolutely necessary. Not saying you should ever have to hide it, but I would compare being trans to being a minority, you can’t hide your cultural background, just like we can’t hide the hints of masculinity we were born with and developed for the first (30 years like me), and unless we are really good, start really young, etc it’s tough to pass 100% of the time to 100% of the people we encounter-especially at the beginning like me.

So, yah, being gay, bi, trans, etc is not a choice, we are born this way, and people that don’t understand or accept that can sling it!

Melanie

Listening to-Shinedown-iTunes acoustic sessions

ps new web comic page going up in a moment.

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4 Comments

  1. I could be horribly off kilter here, so pardon me while I try to get this out right.
    I’ve always believed that sexual orientation and gender orientation are two completely different things, with one not really having anything to do with the other. I’m a firm believer that sexual orientation (gay, straight, bi) is a chemical thing, based on pheromones. I think the whole “attraction” thing depends solely on whose pheromones you are drawn too. If they happen to come from a member of the same sex, so be it, if they come from a member of the opposite sex, again, so be it. The unfortunate thing is that we live in a “God” based society that believes it is “unnatural” to act on those “natual” responses.

    I realize that the processes in gender orientation (ie the stigmas, stresses, etc) don’t really compare, but physiologically I see what you’re going through as similar to a “skinny woman in a fat woman’s body” (this is me, lol, but I silence that skinny woman with Doritos). That skinny woman (if she felt strongly enough) trapped in a fat woman’s body would go on a serious diet, to alter her outward physical body to match her inner woman. Am I right? Isn’t this basically what you are doing? You are simply shaping your physical body to match your mental one? How do we get the morons of the world to realize that you are on the same mission as the woman who goes on a diet?? You just want to be on the outside who you are on the inside.

    I find it infuriating mysef, to come across things like this, I can’t even begin to imagine how much it must piss you off. Because really, making the physical transition is what is natural for you. It’s what makes you whole. It’s natural. It’s natural for you to want to be on the outside who you are on the inside. Just like it’s natural for a shy man to wish he was more outgoing, or an uneducated man to want more booksmarts. EVERYBODY wants to be balanced, WHO CARES how you make it happen. Why can’t the world just see that?? Being gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever is NATURAL.

    I remember shopping with a friend years ago at a store we always used to frequent. The regular clerk seemed to be just setting out on her transition, because we had never seen her dressed in women’s clothing before that day, always in men’s. Anyways, my friend looked at her and with a very snotty condescending atitude said, “Didn’t you USED to be a MAN??” and the clerk very honestly replied “Uh…nooooo, I’m pretty positive I’ve always been a woman”. It put my friend right in her place and I almost died laughing at HER embarrassment. On future shopping trips my friend would be a bitch to the clerk, which just pissed everyone in the store off, until one day the clerk in all her wisdom, walked up to my friend (who ALWAYS wore 4 inch highheels) and said “Didn’t you USED to be SHORTER??”. I “highfived” the clerk, and my friend stopped talking to me for a month.

    Okay, I’ve babbled senselessly for long enough. I like who you are. I was drawn to you not because you are trans, but because you are on a journey to balance your soul, that is what’s important to me…that path to wholeness. I am inspired by people who have the gumption to be true to themselves. Those assholes out there who don’t understand the unity of “body/mind/soul” can go fuck themselves, they’ll never be happy and should stop trying to bring the rest of us down.

    • 🙂

      Yes I DO realize being gay and being trans are quite different, but the stigma of the two is similar, AND since the LBGT community is lumped together most people just assume we can just not be trans, like they think people can just NOT be gay. I suppose the whole pheromone thing is another way to explain being gay, but I still believe in my heart of hearts you are born a certain way. You see, I consider myself to be a lesbian (not just because I am married to a wonderful woman), but even if i wasn’t married (god forbid) i would still be a lesbian. As far as the pheromone thing (back to that for a sec), I don’t think that’s 100% of it, you see, i have no sense of smell, so i have never understood that, or gotten the scent of attraction thing.

      Also, I love the story of your friend and the store clerk. LLMAO

      Melanie

      • Oh,yes, yes, I agree about being born one way, or the other, or the other or whathaveyou. My thoughts on the pheromone thing is really based on a documentary I watched ages ago about how everyone gives off a certain scent (which you can’t actually smell) and that scientists believed it was the source for attraction…it had to do with the fact that blind people can fall in love or be attracted to someone without actually ever seeing them. I do think that being gay, bi, lesbian or straight for that matter is a natural occurance, not something you just “decide” to do one day. I think it’s something you “are”, not something you “become”.

        Also, I wasn’t trying to imply that you didn’t know the differences, I’m so sorry that it came out that way, I was more or less ranting about the idiots who can’t figure it out. Like that church who was trying to “exorcise” the gayness out of people.

        I hope I didn’t offend…I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get my thoughts out right, because I was pissed off at how unfair, and uncool people can be sometimes. I was basically agreeing with you , just in my frustrated, roundabout way. 😀

  2. it’s quite alright, i got it, i was just keeping the conversation “lively” 😛 Your opinions are always welcome, you always have some good insight.


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