I have no friends, only phatoms playing at my feet

This is not a winey post or anything, but i wanted to say a few things that have been on my mind lately.

My wife is my absolute best friend! She is my number one supporter, and my go to. She is my all, and my everything. She is all I ever will need. She makes me complete. Love you so very much baby (she does read this on occasion now).

Now, about the title, Other than my wife i feel i have no real friends. I have mentioned (i think) a guy i went to school with who is really cool, and very supportive of me, as is his wife. BUT, i rarely seem them, probably my fault. Anyway, other than that, I have a few acquaintances, wait, who am i kidding, maybe 1 or 2 actually. nothing against my readers (loyal readers), but stuff on the net is vapor. I know people call each other friends, etc on face book, and crap like that, but really? I mean..really? If you are is desperate times, can you call those dozens of friends and ask for a loan, or a place to stay? Some people may say yes, but do you REALLY think they WANT to? People have lives to live, and no matter how kind they seem, no one wants to be put out of their comfort zone.

I got to thinking, after reading a friends (there’s that word again) blog, when she talked about all her friends she missed from her blog while she hasn’t been able to post (working way too much). While i definitely appreciate everyone who visits my blog, and leaves comments, criticisms, and concerns…BUT… if I had to, could I really call on anyone to assist me in the time of a crisis?

People think they know you because you tweet, or face book each other, but honestly no one really knows anyone 100%. Not even people you know from down the street or from work. It’s a rare person indeed that gives everyone 100% of themselves. I know one such person… my wife. She is so honest, and true to who she is.. and she doesn’t give a damn what other people think of her. i WISH i could be like that, but alas i cannot. As a matter of fact she has come out for me at her work to a few people..scares the hell out of me, but she says people seem ok with it. Time will tell.

I know I sound bitter, or rude, or mean, or uncaring..but that simply isn’t what I am going for. I tend to dwell on things.. A LOT! (my phatoms) my past, my present, my future.. all things that tend to run through my mind at any given time of the day. I sometimes dwell on my past, all the terrible things i have done to people, to my parents… to people i care about. I think i am becoming a better person, but maybe i am lieing to myself. Maybe i am the same person.. just better at lieing to myself about these “positive” changes.

Melanie Dawn

Listening to Mel’s mad mix Vol.2 (Shinedown, Hoobastank, Zebrahead, Distrubed, Flyleaf, Krokuk, Skillet, etc)

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