So, I am down a bit today, sad i suppose. I have been having trouble lately being me. As strange as that sounds I feel like I am stranded. Not in life, in transition. I am have been seriously thinking about coming out to my mom (at least), but I am so nervous. I have been watching a lot of trans-related documentaries, and movies, and shows. It seems like most of the parents/friends are actually ok with it, but knowing my parents I just know i will be cut off from my family. I think my mom will handle it better, but I know it would kill my dad, and my brother, eh, who cares, we don’t talk anyway. I haven’t been to my therapist in awhile, so I am going late next week, and I think I need to possibly go to the local support group meeting again soon… not being around anyone like me sucks!

There was a casual event this weekend, but it had to be canceled due to an injury in one of our hostesses. Kinda shot my weekend, but i shouldn’t be so damn selfish. I have tried to draw, write, paint, and it’s just not working out. I have zero inspiration. Hopefully the wife and I can just spend a LOT of time together, and I can get over this. I don’t know… this sort of thing is happening more than I care to admit. It sucks! I cried a ton at those shows i watched. Seeing the acceptance those families showed to their trans kids was amazing, and made me so jealous! Sometimes I wonder if they will ever know, if I will ever finish my transition, or will i be stranded in this sort of gender limbo?

Geez! am I a fuckin whiner or what!? Oh well…

Melanie Dawn

Listening to- Disturbed Another Way to Die

Movie recommendation- Ma Vie en Rose (My life in Pink)


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