A huge weight off my shoulders

Well, I had another interesting weekend/or rather day on Sunday. Lately, I have been watching a lot of tv shows, documentaries, etc on coming out, and being trans. Seeing how well most of the families take it, has been making me want to come out to my folks, or at least my mom, as I wasn’t sure how my dad would take it. The last thing I would EVER want to do is upset, or disappoint my dad, he is such a inspiration in my life. I suppose you could say, knowing what a great, hard working, loving person he is inspired me to push on with my transition. I have been so terrified for so many years about telling them, for fear they would push me away, or be upset, or (god forbid) disown me. My life would be so hollow without them in it. So, if I was going to include them in my life forever, then I needed to tell them what has been going on in my life for the last couple of years.

Sooooooo… I did it! Well, the wife did it. lol I picked up my cell phone and called my folks! Chatted with mom for a bit, then dad, then I asked to talk to mom again. I told her, “I need to tell you something, but i want Bev to tell you.” I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together, and i was sure how to begin. Bev had said she would tell her, so I gave her the chance. I used the restroom (because you needed to read THAT detail, and while Bev was talking to her I left the room to do the laundry, once the loads were switched, i returned to find her crying. My heart was in my throat. But then i realized she was smiling though her tears. I finally took a breath, and went and sat on the bed. Just listening to her talk to my mom. Then she stood up and walked towards me, and i was thinking ‘oh gawd!’. She said something about mom wanted to hear from me. So, we talked for a bit, I think she was upset that I actually thought they wouldn’t love me anymore. She said, she doesn’t fully understand all of it, but they would work it out. She wanted to know about a resource, or a book or something, so I told her i’d find something for them to help. They do own 1 half of a book store back home, and she had easy access to getting a book, but wanted some details or info i am sure. I told her I’d find something for her, and actually I ended up just going on barnes and nobles.com and ordering a book for them, and had it shipped to them. Anyway, she wanted to know they don’t hate me, or disown me, and it will take them time to work through it, but they love me, and will stand by me. dammit I knew I’d start crying typing this.

So, anyway, I hung up and just bawled uncontrollably, I was so happy that mom accepted me. Then a little while later we went to our computers, and for some reason I checked the email we share that my dad uses to communicate with us. AND, there it was… a new email from my dad. Again my heart jumped to my throat… my heart was racing as I clicked on the email… I opened it to read the following;

Hi Matthew – Sue came up to the room and explained your conversation. No
problem. If you need to talk sometime give me a call. Not right now though as
I’m heading to the office. – – – Take care – – – Love you, Dad

note; I didn’t tell them my chosen name yet…

Just as my eyes were drying up after the last cry, it started all over, i turned my monitor so Bev could read what he wrote, as i sat there in silence. All she said was “wow”…”wow”… I am such an incredibly lucky girl, a wonderfully supportive wife, and parents who “get it”, and understand it is my life, and I have to be what I have to be. I wrote a short note back, this is what I typed through the tears of utter joy;

I love you two VERY much, you two, besides Bev are my closest friends, and your acceptance is VITAL to my sanity, and pushing forward. Mom asked about a book, well i am going to barnes and nobles tomorrow to buy one for you guys. I love you two more than I could ever explain.

Thank you for being so wonderful,
your “son” Matthew

Needless to say I am so relieved and so incredibly happy! My life can now continue…

Thank you all for reading this most important (thus far) update on my life
Melanie Dawn

Listening to- “just Awesomesauce” (just a bunch of songs I love)

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5 Comments

  1. Melanie, I am so happy for you that your family is being supportive and offering their love. I know how important that is, and how much easier trasntiion will be. The love from family is more important than anything, and losing it the most devastating.

    You are on a good path, Melanie. I have faith that things will go your way.

    Love

    Carolyn Marie

    • Thanks for the kind words Carolyn

  2. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    THAT IS COMPLETELY FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Yes, I’m crying.
    You’ve just gotten over the biggest emotional stepping stone. I consider myself extremely lucky to “experience” it with you. And your wife…have I told you that I think your wife is amazing? Both of you are, I can’t wait to read about the rest of your journey.
    Congratulations Mel, this is the greatest news I’ve heard in ages….I’m so glad I posted on my blog today

    • I have to tell you, you (along with a handful of others) have been with me virtually the entire time I have been blogging about my journey, and I really appreciate your kind, and genuine words about me and my wife. You are a good soul, and I really appreciate you following me along my path.

  3. very happy for you!!!


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