Just a really quick update…

Item 12 2010-00085669-CU-PT
In Re: Matthew Dale *********
Nature of Proceeding:
Filed By:
Petition for Change of Name
*********, Matthew Dale
The petition for name change is unopposed and is granted.

OMFG! It’s official! I am nearly there!

crying tears of joy

Melanie Dawn (for real!)


So soon?

Ayep! another post. After the last one, i felt like I should get into the reason I began that post (being all the legal stuff is on hold for another 5 days or whatever.

So, ya I am a happy camper these days overall. I feel like I am finally fitting in in the female world…good thing as my name change becomes legal on October first!! I get the feeling I am gonna do ok with this “new life”. Those of you who have followed me for quite some time know that I have questioned myself all along the way, and wondered if I could “pull this off”. Funny thing happened, I took a LONG look in the mirror and realized I had been “pulling it off” for quite some time. I feel so very female these days, I feel like Melanie is who I have always been, and that Matthew was a mask I finally took off. I feel liberated, I feel free, I feel…sadly still a little sick 😛 HEH! But ya, I feel like things are gonna work out just fine. I think this all started with my coming out to my folks. Once they knew and seemed to be ok (I mean they still talk to me) I could finally exhale and get this monkey off my back.

It’s funny how after I told my folks, and my mom expressed needing/wanting a book to help in the acceptance/understanding of the situation, now I am writing and drawing again. Like I was stifled due to them not knowing and the stress of wanting to tell them. Now that they know, I am creatively flowing again 🙂 ya for me! I have to laugh to myself these days, as when i look int he mirror what I see is different than what i used to see. Six months ago, i saw Melanie trying to come out, but still Matthew as the “ruling” appearance/whatever… NOW I see Melanie almost totally, and if Matthew’s there, I can’t see much of him. Maybe just the chickenpox scar above my eye, but you know, he’s nearly gone, a shadow of a memory, and I couldn’t be happier. When I was in therapy in Des Moines my therapist tried to “cure” me of this, and I was so incredibly depressed, because what little bits of Melanie i did see faded to nearly oblivion. I wanted to die… I have never let her go completely, even from being a 5 year old and knowing there was a little girl in me… I think she was more of invisible friend then (since I had no idea what Gender Dysphoria, or Transsexualism were). When I was a young adult I went to therapy because I had severe anger issues, honestly I didn’t know what it was from, I figured I just was a unhappy/angry person. I knew deep inside what was wrong by then, where the anger stemmed from, but i was scared to even tell my therapist about it, worried that it would somehow get back to my parents. Poor Mike (my therapist) we never did come to any resolutions about my anger, and I suppose that has to be a little frustrating.

Well, Rosemary, my therapist here in Nor Cal is wonderful! I think I am her first Trans client, but she has really worked with me to help me with all the roadblocks and speed bumps along the way. I am really lucky to have found her, as well as my gender doctor Carol, she is trans as well, and so awesome! The two of them have been angels for me, and I could never thank them enough for all they have done for me.

As I said before, my mom wanted a book so i got her one… it’s called True Selves (or something)… it’s got a ton of technical stuff as it’s not just for friends and family, but professionals as well. I’m a little under half was through it, and I have issue with some things in it, but it’s not a big deal. For a book that has a lot of “testimonials” there’s a pretty narrow view of some thing. Overall it’s a good book (so far), and if anyone who reads this wants more understanding, or needs to help someone else understand, i highly recommend it. here’s a link to it.

Anyway, back to what I meant to talk about…GEEZ i am a rambler (not the car:P) Happy happy… I haven’t been as diligent as I should be about my weight loss, but the wife and i are putting in a plan to push it. She wants off her Diabetic meds/etc, and I want to eventually get into a 14/16 😀 Smaller would of course be better, but i have to keep my goals reasonable. So ya, I am happy with my progress thus far (finally!), and now I am on cruise control headed down this LONG road.

Thanks for reading again!


Listening to Shinedown

Every night of my life I watch angels fall from the sky
Every time that the sun still sets
I pray they don’t take mine

Sorry, I just LOVE that verse!

It’s been a while

Ok, so it’s been a while since my last post, and that one was a doozy! Anyway, ever since then my life has been slightly less stressful. Now that my parents know and are still talking to me, I can finally breath.

On a side not, i don’t know how long this post will be as i have a nasty cold, and may get off track fast!

Anyway, yes, I am a happy camper.

Deleted a nasty rant for sanities sake

Onto a lighter subject (ya nice way to start eh?) I was thinking of titling this post “I’m just a girl int he world”… but after the note about my brother, i decided not. What I mean by girl in the world, is I pass! ALL the time, hell, even when I have to show my ID (at avenue) I just say I can’t wait to change that pic, it’s just not me anymore. Typically the girl will say, well obviously, or i bet. I get ma’amed, miss-ed, all the time now, and it feels great! As soon as my legal name change becomes official on Oct 1st, and i begin to get my papers changed, i will be so happy… never to have to look at that GUY on my ID again.

So, what have i been up to? Drawing, writing, playing a “new” mmo Allods Online. I haven’t yet gotten to finishing my Herrick story yet, for those that were reading, and i am sorry. STILL need to get those darn markers. I have, however, been working on a modern day/near future/supernatural/cyber punk story. it’s quite fun! Let’s see, it has Vampires, Werewolves, Magic users, pseudo undead people living in the sewers, Fallen angels, demons, and anything else i can think up! LOL I know that sounds like a lot to cover in a comic, but what i plan to do, is, mini series or one shots, telling story involving just a few of these groups, while giving an over arching story for the “universe” this takes place in, sort of in the background. I’ve been doing a bunch or character concepts, and maybe Ill get some up here next week. I have never been one for modern or future stuff, as i stink as drawing tech, but I look at it as a challenge, to push my abilities.

Anyway, that’s where I am and what I have been up to, there’s more to tell, but frankly this cold is kicking my ass! Hopefully I’ll be back to it more when I am feeling better.

Melanie Dawn